A and B equal You and Me
by HoratiosBabyMama
Summary: The ABCs of Chris and Scott's life. Warnings for some adult themes and slight lime. Slash.


**The ABC's of Scott and Chris. Need I say more?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any ideas related to Teletoon**

**888**

**A is for Animal**

Scott gasped as Chris bit his neck and scraped his teeth over the mark while the host slowly slid inside him. Scott gripped strong shoulders as Chris growled and started quickening his pace. One good thing about liquor, it made Chrissy act like a beast.

**B is for Bet**

"Oh I so could go without sex longer than you, you're addicted to it!"

"What do you mean? I have great self control."

"Sure you do, just like you're always are able to wait five long agonizing minutes before finally attacking chocolate cake. That diet ended after a day!"

"Well what about you and shopping? Have you ever resisted buying a cute top?"

"Who says I look edible in those tops? Oh right, the sex addict."

"I am not a sex addict!"

"Oh really? Is that a stake I smell?"

"Yeah, the first one to break down has to do all the cleaning for a month!"

"Deal!"

Scott smirked and turned with a sensual sway of his hips, seeing Chris lick his lips, he was _so_ winning this, and Chris didn't stand a chance.

**C is for Cripple**

"Scott, I need more water!"

Scott grumbled as he stomped around the kitchen, haphazardly tossing a bowl and cup onto a tray and filling them with soup and water.

He ground his teeth as that annoying bell rang throughout the loft.

"Scott! I'm waiting!"

God, Scott was gonna kill Duncan for breaking Chris' leg!

**D is for Duel**

"You can't have him Ricardo."

"I'm your boss Chris; you shouldn't talk to me that way."

"Well you shouldn't take what isn't yours dude."

"I'm only borrowing him for a presentation Chris."

"Yeah and then you'll seduce him and suck him into your evil vortex and take him away from me."

"Has anyone ever told you, you are loco?"

"Many times. Now give him back!"

"I'm just borrowing the fish Chris!"

"He's my pet; I don't care if he's promoting a new tropical show!"

**E is for Extraterrestrial**

Scott smiled as he snuggled closer to Chris and looked at the billions of sparkling stars above.

"Look there's Orion," Chris pointed upward and traced the constellation with his finger. It was nice when they got moments like this.

"Did you know my sister was once abducted by aliens?" Scott said, his eyes finding the Big Dipper, Chris looked at him surprised before smiling.

"Did they use a probe?"

**F is for Fake**

"I swear, you'll hear from my lawyers! This is absurd!" Chris snuck around the corner of a building to get away from screaming, bald Heather. Someone had pushed the girl into a fountain and stolen her wig and Chris couldn't stop laughing despite her threats. She had signed a contract afterall. The dripping wet camper clenched her fists as she walked away in the direction of her quarters.

"You'll regret all of this Chris!" she roared and Chris cringed, walking in the opposite direction of the girl towards his own trailer. He opened the door and had to start a new peal of laughter as he saw Scott lounging on his bed, admiring himself in one of the host's mirrors, adjusting Heather's ugly wig on his head.

**G is for Gigolo**

"Hey Chris? I just want you to know that if you ever decide to become a pimp, I'd be your number one hoe."

**H is for Hallelujah**

Chris smiled as he felt a warm body snuggle up against his own and looked down into the sleeping face of his lover. Blond strands falling over closed eyes, a peaked nose and delicate lips. Moonlight making him look ethereal and even more innocent. He kissed that smooth cheek and wrapped his arms around that beautiful body. He may be a horny bastard but he knew he was lucky.

**I is for Island**

"Where the heck is Chris?" Trent spoke up from the group of campers huddled around the smoldering campfire. "He's supposed to be telling us the next challenge."

"He's probably gonna jump out of a hole in the ground any second," Gwen rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Yeah, or he's probably fixing his precious hair with that stanky hair gel of his," Leshawna smirked.

"Gotta look good for the cameras," Duncan snorted and went back to picking his nails with his knife.

The group turned when they heard footsteps running towards them and saw one of the cameramen jogging across the sand, camera in hand. Oh, it was the cute cameraman, the blond one. He straightened his t-shirt and jeans as he came to a stop near the campers and shouldered his camera, flashing them a pink-nailed thumbs up as he began recording. There was a hickey on his neck.

"Looks like someone was getting it on with an intern," Katie whispered to Sadie who giggled.

"Uh, don't you guys realize that's why Ch-" Leshawna started but was cut off by a flash of smoke and Chris jumping up onto a rock.

"Hey dudes and dudettes, who's ready for the next torture, I mean challenge?"

Leshawna was the only one to notice a matching hickey on the host's neck.

**J is for Joker**

"Heath Ledger is so cute," Scott said as he took another handful of popcorn from the bowl in his lap. Chris looked over from his spot sprawled on the couch.

"Even when he's a crazed criminal in clown make-up?"

"Yes, because I know what's under the make-up," Scott smiled smugly and went back to watching the screen where Batman was fighting the Joker and Harvey Two-Face.

Chris scowled, why did he get to hear this every time they watched a movie. 10 Things I Hate About You, Brokeback Mountain and so many others. What was so special about Heath Ledger? He played a guy named Enus for Cripes sake!

It was the same for other movies too. Oh Brad Pitt, oh Matt Damon, oh James McAvoy!

And how was he supposed to compete with hot American celebrities? He was just a small time host for funny survival shows. He glared at the Joker who had somehow for a short time stolen his fairy's attentions.

"He died you know," Chris said and immediately regretted it as his fairy shot him a pained look.

"That's what makes this movie so special Christopher!" he said and faced the screen with a pout and without looking, threw the empty popcorn bowl at Chris's head. Chris caught the projectile just in time. He felt like apologizing but knew that deep down Scott knew he was just jealous and that later they would have great angry make-up sex and he would get to hear his favorite celeb name.

"Oh Chris!"

And maybe, just maybe, Heath Ledger was cute, you know, without the clown suit.

**K is for Krispy Kreme**

Chris came into the kitchen and saw Scott eating a doughnut while pouring two cups of coffee and just for a moment he wondered what it would be like to eat Scott covered in doughnut glaze.

**L is for Laugh**

Scott adjusted his camera as he filmed various campers doing the insane challenge brought to them by his sadistic lover. He smirked as he saw Duncan and Courtney fighting about who knows what, completely forgetting about the task at hand.

And then he saw Owen in the distance, bumbling through the challenge like always. Scott smiled because he knew that later, after the challenge and voting off ceremony, he would go back to the cabin and watch today's challenge with his lover and then get to hear his favorite sound.

Chris' laugh.

**M is for Melon**

Who would've thought that Chef was actually a good cook outside of the TDI set? Chris smiled as he bit into a rib that practically fell off the bone. He grabbed some fruit and other foodstuffs from the picnic table and went to sit by the edge of the pool where a mix of Chef and Chris' friends swam and mingled. Chris' eyes trailed listlessly over the faces of coworkers, producers and acquaintances before finding something of interest.

A blond in pink swim trunks. He was on the diving board, his toes curling over the edge, a grin on his face as he bounced, put his arms over his head and executed a perfect dive into the crystal clear pool. He broke the surface a moment later and pushed wet hair out of his face and spotted Chris. He swam lazily over to the host and lifted himself slightly out of the water. Chris eyed the drops of water dripping slowly down Scott's chest.

"Give me a strawberry," Scott said, using his patented sad-eyes and Chris chuckled, plucking the desired fruit off his plate and holding it out to the blond.

Scott smiled and leaned forward, biting the fruit and taking it into his mouth slowly, licking juice off Chris' fingers. Scott licked his lips and gave a contented sigh before he disappeared beneath the water.

Chris smirked.

**N is for Nuptials**

"Hey Chris?" Scott stuffed his hands in his warm coat pockets and looked at the lightly falling snow as they walked through the dark, snowy park.

"Hmm?" Chris looked over at Scott with a small smile. It was their third date and he was really beginning to like the hyperactive sadist.

"If you could marry anyone in the entire world, living or dead, who would it be?" Scott had a dreamy look on his face as he looked at the winter wonderland. Chris looked at the man in confusion. Did he talk to all his dates like this?

"Well, that's a…interesting question," he said slowly.

"I know but I think what will be even more interesting is your answer," Scott smiled as he watched his cloud of breath swirl through the air.

Chris gazed around at the Christmas lights still strung between the lamps and trees, embarrassed by the question but also intrigued, what was Scott's dream marriage?

"I think," Chris said after some time, "I would want to marry…Bill Gates. He's rich so I'd always be taken care of and if I ever had a technology problem, I'm sure he could fix it," Scott gave him a big grin.

"And I bet under that geeky exterior, he's great in bed," Chris couldn't help it, he laughed.

"Alright-ha-what's your answer?" he smiled and Scott gave a cocky smirk back.

"That's easy," he said, "I'd marry Ronald McDonald," Chris' laughter immediately stopped.

"_What?_" he looked at Scott disbelievingly but the blond just grinned.

"There would always be food around, and I have a certain thing for clowns," Scott stuck out his tongue and caught a snowflake on it.

Chris shook his head, not being able to help the grin that spread across his face.

"Is that some sort of insult towards me? Am I a clown?"

"No of course not! You're not cool enough to be a clown," Scott smirked and ran off down the path, Chris laughed and gave chase.

He changed his answer, no Bill Gates, he knew exactly who he might want to marry.

**O is for Ostrich**

Scott stared in awe at the huge box sitting in the living room and almost squealed at the sight of air holes cut into the side.

"You _didn't_?" he asked breathlessly. Chris smirked.

"Just open it," Scott walked cautiously towards the box, not believing this was happening and pulled the cord that made the box walls fall apart. Scott's face fell as he saw a small jewelry box on the floor amongst the fallen cardboard. He picked it up and opened it to reveal rainbow flag earrings.

"You bastard! This is not the Ostrich I asked for!"

**P is for Puppy**

"Aww come on Chrissy!" Scott pouted and held the…creature in Chris' face, the host tried not to sneer.

"No, it will destroy the apartment," Chris tried to go to the door again but was held back _again _by a hand on his arm.

"But he's soooo cute!" Scott smiled and looked at the fluff ball in his arms. Rubbing its little ears and kissing its tiny nose.

"I don't care, we aren't getting a puppy, we're too busy most of the time to take care of it," he said, hoping to persuade his lover out of this delirium.

"Nuh-uh, you work more hours than me and I'd take good care of him, promise."

"But Scott-" the puppy was shoved into his face again.

"How can you resist that face?" the puppy licked Chris' nose and Scott pouted as he held the canine up. Chris sighed.

It was gonna be a long day.

**Q is for Quotes**

Chris ran a hand through his hair as he entered his apartment and grinned at a very appealing sight, Scott doing yoga on the living room floor.

"Hey Chrissy," Scott smiled as he arched his back and put one leg straight in the air. Chris grinned and came closer, so it seemed Scott wasn't mad over their spat this morning. Good, that meant more cuddle time later. Chris' grin grew as Scott changed into a meditative pose and Chris got a good view of his lover's bare back.

He read the 'Property of Chris MacLean' tattoo on Scott's lower back with a smug smile before moving his gaze up Scott's spine to his slender shoulders. Chris spied the other tattoo and smirked. On Scott's shoulder blades were two quotation marks, a " on the left and a " on the right. And since Scott liked to be random, he would put his quote of the month in between the two marks in henna. Chris read the newest words on his lover's back in swirly brown ink and his grin disappeared. It read:

"Chris is sleeping on the couch"

**R is for rampage**

Grr, Chris was gonna pay for his crimes.

Scott clenched his fists as he stormed down the hall of the TV studio. This was the final straw! Chris would no longer be around to aggravate him anymore! He was gonna strangle him and then revive him so he could strangle him again! He growled as he found Chris' office door and slammed it open to see Chris sitting there with the _thing _that fueled Scott's anger in his mouth.

"You stole my candy! Are you insane?!"

**S is for Sneak**

Chris put a finger over his smiling lips as he took Scott's hand and guided him down the hall. Scott covered his mouth as he giggled and looked over his shoulder to see if they were being followed.

Chris smirked and quickly kissed his lover to silence any giggling before continuing down the hall.

"Chris, what if we get caught?"

"That's what makes it fun dude," Chris whispered back and finally found the room they were looking for.

He led Scott inside and the blond pressed against him when he heard a creak in the corner.

"Heh, its okay baby," Chris smiled and kissed Scott to calm him, the blonde's arms went around the host's neck.

It was several minutes before they got back on track, Chris licked his lips and reached for the door that held their prize within.

"Get out of my kitchen you moochers!" Chef yelled, scaring the duo and making them run from the room laughing.

They never did get away with midnight snacks when staying with Chef.

**T is for Tumblers**

"I never went skydiving naked," Scott mumbled and gave a hazy smirk as Chris took a drink. A bottle of amaretto and various glasses littered their table as they slouched in their chairs.

"I never ate salsa," Scott grimaced as he took a drink. How long had this game been going on now and how did it start? He didn't know but he was so wasted.

He grinned as he thought of one that trumped Chris.

"I never kissed a girl," Chris glared at him and drank and almost toppled out of his chair, he leaned against the table.

"I never dated an intern," Chris slurred and his eyes widened as Scott took a drink, he'd get to the bottom of that one later. When he was sober.

"I never…had a hangover before," Scott rubbed his bleary eyes as Chris drank and then looked over at his lover. His hand covered Scott's and he smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

**U is for Ulterior**

Chris looked around his apartment in shock, it was clean. Practically sparkling. Had a cleaning fairy come in and cast a magic spell. Apparently yes he thought as Scott came skipping up to him and gave him a quick peck.

"I got bored today since it was my day off so I cleaned every nook and cranny, I even cleaned your clothes, ironed your suits, shined your shoes and organized your hair products, putting the ones you use most within easiest reach. I also made roast for dinner, your favorite and I was thinking that maybe we could roleplay? I was watching Troy earlier and kinda got in the mood for the whole warrior/kidnapped servant thing. Is that okay?" Scott looked up at him with an adorable childish look and Chris scratched his head.

"Yeah that's fine babe," he said, dazed. Scott grinned and jumped up to give him a mind-blowing kiss, complete with tongue. Chris pulled away panting to kiss Scott's forehead. The blonde's eyelids lowered, "Wanna go upstairs for a quickie before dinner?"

Chris almost melted but then his common sense caught up with him, Scott was loyal and affectionate but never like this.

"Oh no, you still want a puppy don't you?!" Scott pouted, that was the last time he cleaned the loft willingly.

**V is for Veggie**

"Oh come on Scott, you are _not _a vegetarian!" Chris rolled his eyes as he cooked the hamburgers and ignored his lover's impatient huff.

"But I can't eat something with a face Chrissy!" he eyed the sizzling burgers with disgust. Chris smirked.

"Okay, if you're giving up meat then I'll support you but just remember, my _meat _counts alright?" he looked towards his crotch meaningfully and Scott looked at him horrified before giving an innocent shrug.

"What's a vegetarian again?"

**W is for Welcome**

Scott always wondered why Chris would never let him get a dog. He'd probably scoff if he found out it was because Chris would rather be greeted with a bear hug and sloppy kiss from an adorable blond then have some mutt chew on his shoes when he walked in the door.

**X is for Xenophobe**

He hated him.

It was truly true.

He truly hated him.

If people heard his reasons, they'd probably call him racist. It's not his fault that some suave Spaniard came to this company and got himself an executive position. He wondered if it would be too drastic to hate all Spaniards. Yeah, maybe so he'd settle with just hating this one.

_Ricardo._

God, even his name was smooth, he crossed his arms and growled as he watched the greasy producer slick back his hair and make his fairy laugh at some stupid joke.

**Y is for Youth**

Scott giggled as Chris pulled him on top of the dark-eyed host before kissing him playfully. Scott laughed again and looked up at the flowering trees above the blanket they laid on. He kissed Chris tenderly while whispering words of affection and playing with dark styled hair. Chris, in turn, massaged his back and smiled.

The couple was too distracted to hear the comment of an elderly woman on a bench nearby.

"Ah, young love."

**Z is for Zeal**

Chris moaned as Scott kissed his chest, biting a nipple and kissing it. He moved up and down Chris' body, kissing fervently. Chris wanted to grab the blonde and return the attentions but his hands were chained to the bed. He moaned again. Scott smiled at his captive, kissing his mouth hungrily before returning to more "urgent" matters. Chris smiled as his back arched into the blonde's touch and thought he might relinquish control to Scott more often. That is, until Scott pulled out the chocolate sauce…

888

Voila, it is finished. How do you guys like it? I thought this was a fun project and it helped ease my writer's block.

In T is for Tumblers, the skydiving comment is a reference to 6teen in which Christian Potenza also lends his voice. Did anyone catch that?

My favorites are I, O, P and U, what do you think?

Please review and I hope you enjoyed this odd piece.

Whirl


End file.
